Things Confuse Me

writtenwaiver: I have a ritual on Christmas Eve that I’ve been...

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 18:40:49 -0600

I have a ritual on Christmas Eve that I’ve been doing for the last decade now, since escaping from unbearable extended-family-Christmas: I watch It’s a Wonderful Life, drink alone, get morose, and cry myself to sleep. It’s the one time a year I let myself just give in to the depression completely.

It’s not a good ritual. It’s mostly self-punishment and wallowing. And I was really hoping that this year I’d have a reason not to do it, but I don’t. Another year’s gone by, and I’m still lonely. I still hate being a lawyer. I’m still frustrated and worried and scared.

But for now, I have my ritual. “Hallelujah, Noel, be it heaven or hell: the Christmas we get, we deserve.”

Depression confuses me. I’m blessed in that I can’t relate to you, that I have no commonality with you here…but it’s times like this my pragmatic self-actualization proves to be narrow. I’m powerless to help you or anyone, and I hate it. All I can do is hold out hope that you will find happiness one day. I’m sorry.

The words “don’t be ashamed of what’s true” always stuck with me, no matter how much it fluctuated between nonsense and gospel. For some reason, I think of those words when I look at this picture. In any case, I like you very much and I pray you find the inner strength you need in the future.

PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER CONSIDERED SUICIDE CONFUSE ME

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 20:16:00 -0500

It’s funny you mention that! I actually sat in on a Crisis Intervention class, and the professor theorized that everyone does it to some extent. It could be a “Oh, it could be so much easier if I just faded away…” sentiment that could translate into a true suicidal mindset if left unaddressed. And it may stay unaddressed. I believe most everyone feels that way at least once in their life, cuz life sucks and all that over stuff that’s easily intuited.

Making PLANS for suicide that could easily come to fruition…that’s not normal. People like that confuse me because I can’t relate to that desire…it seems philosophically flawed. Maybe one day I will, but that’s not something I would assert with any eagerness.

So…yeah. People who never consider suicide confuse me too, because I don’t really believe they exist. XD

how confused where you the first time you played MINECRAFT?

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 19:23:47 -0500

…What? Huh? Who?

I never played Minecraft. I watched other people play it, but…who are you?! What made you think…

HUH?!

princess-cadence-answers: OH YOU KNOW WE DID! This fills me...

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 20:56:12 -0500

princess-cadence-answers:

OH YOU KNOW WE DID!

This fills me with delight.

writtenwaiver: will-travel-pony: clopunited: cherry-coke-pony:...

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 20:43:32 -0500

writtenwaiver:

will-travel-pony:

clopunited:

cherry-coke-pony:

This I also approve.

This is vile. It goes against everything the brony community supposedly stands for. I happen to be both a furry and a Brony, I find this simply horrid. Especially that some sycophant would depict a FOAL committing such an act of violence.

i don’t talk to coke pony for this reason he thinks all furries should die and has said so on his blog. meanwhile he thinks it’s ok to sexualize ponies. news flash coke. it ain’t no different so enjoy being a self hater.

Bronies who think they aren’t furries on some level mystify me.

I’m aware of plenty of Furries who feel the same way about Bronies. Both sentiments really do fascinate me. There’s a clear cognitive disconnect between the two groups for some people…and this disconnect probably needs to be Loved and Tolerated. Or maybe they just need to forget about it and re-evaluate their priorities XD

animalstalkinginallcaps: WHERE IS IT? HONEY, SERIOUSLY. YOU’RE...

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 13:39:52 -0500

animalstalkinginallcaps:

WHERE IS IT?

HONEY, SERIOUSLY. YOU’RE NOT GOING TO FIND ANYTHING.

WHERE’S THE ZIPPER? OR IS IT A BATTERY COMPARTMENT? AN ON/OFF SWITCH? WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

A SCAR OR TWO. A BODACIOUS DERRIERE. THAT’S ABOUT IT.

NO ACTUAL BOYFRIEND REMEMBERS THE WEIRD BRITISH CANDIES I MENTIONED IN PASSING A MONTH AGO AND HAS A CASE OF THEM SHIPPED TO MY WORK WITH A CUTE LITTLE NOTE CARD. YOU’RE A ROBOT, OR AN ALIEN OR SOMETHING.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE-

WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR? HOW MUCH ARE THEY PAYING YOU?

imapartypony: Big Macintosh …Why? Am I doing something...

Wed, 06 Jun 2012 12:37:58 -0500

imapartypony:

Big Macintosh

…Why? Am I doing something particularly interesting? Maybe my legs started doing a little dance without me noticing again. Or maybe you just don’t trust me. Or…

THERE’S SOMETHING ON MY BACK!

Reblog this if I can trust you.

Wed, 30 May 2012 03:26:06 -0500

carrotcake-replies:

((I can’t say I haven’t lied or spilled someone’s secret before, but if you’d know what some tumblrs trust me with, you’d see how good I have become at keeping them a secret.))

The last thing I’d want to do is upset anypony. I’d keep whatever secret you entrusted to me. Granted, I’m a stranger…but at the same time, who better to tell?

I keep saying when I'm going to post but I never do post on that day

Tue, 29 May 2012 05:30:42 -0500

mylittleponyepisodeguide:

I’m as bad as VGCats

Don’t do that to yourself. NOBODY is as bad about updating as VGCats, with the possible exception of dead people.

Personality

Tue, 29 May 2012 05:09:00 -0500

This is fan-art someone made for me for a story I’m writing…and it happens to capture my inner dynamic quite well. Imagine these two living in my brain 24/7. Except with more talking and moving around.

When I envisioned this post, I did so as an exploration of the entire spectrum of quirks/traits/categorizations out there in the world (and maybe even for undiscovered traits). But I kept running across a problem: personality, predictably, confuses me. I’ve analyzed the spectrum so many times that I don’t know what it means anymore. So what I’ve decided is simply to explore my own. Maybe then I can present myself to people as something simpler/more complex than “I am what I am”. Maybe then I’ll be brave enough to seek people out just enough to get what I need from those I revere…to actually be a part of their lives in a way I like instead of in a way I tolerate.

As a person, I am:

Charismatic, Realistic, Considerate, Reserved, Independent, Self-Therapeutic, Self-Denying/Demanding, All-Inclusive (for people), Self-Deprecating, Sassy, Devoted, Quiet (depending on situation), Lazy (sometimes), Stubborn/Strong-Willed, Fickle, Adaptable, Oblivious-then-Aware, Sensitive (as in reactions to others, but I keep it to myself mostly), Paranoid, Honest, Patient, Shy, Mild-Mannered…”Weird”

And

Analytical, Critical, Skeptical, Detail-Oriented, Curious, Methodical, Error-Prone, All-Inclusive (for parts of a whole event/situation/etc…), Observation-Inclined, Broad-Minded, Articulate, Perfectionist, Results-Oriented, Specific, Hypersensitive (as in overloading on information), Organized, Systematic, Uncertain, Philosophical, Agnostic, Truth-seeking, Creative…”Smart”

As a person, I want to be:

Happy-Go-Lucky, In Love, All-Aware, Masterful, Appropriately-Sensitive, Clear-Headed, Unfettered, Respectable, Admirable, Influential…”Loved”

Follow-Up

I hate putting myself under one label because it feels like there’s a part of me that’s in direct conflict with it. Maybe other people are okay with it, but it’s so obvious to me that it makes me uncomfortable. One of my friends called me a hipster a month ago, and I’m STILL dwelling on it. Some people say I am, others say I’m not…and that’s how I feel for all these qualities of myself. They’re true in some ways and untrue in others. This is also why some of them are contradictory.

Maybe this is because I’m fickle: I can’t stand committing to one trait because it leaves me vulnerable in a certain way. I hate having weaknesses, and the ones I have bother me; although this is slowly becoming untrue in that I’m accepting my failings. I even hate admitting that having Asperger’s Syndrome makes me a victim of circumstance, that it’s responsible for so much of what I don’t like about myself. But it is! So much of what I abuse myself for really isn’t my fault! I’m coming to terms with that, but I am proud to say that my realization was made by me and me alone.

That’s not to say I refuse help from others (although I often do); that’s to say I can and have handled my own faults and even improved them. I am dedicated to my self-improvement if nothing else. But funnily enough, part of that self-improvement involved admitting that the burden shouldn’t fall squarely on my shoulders. The people in my life do love me and would be willing to help me if I asked them. Telling myself that actually made it easier for me to handle it on my own. On the whole…I prefer to deal with my own messes. Sometimes, I have to deal with something beyond my abilities and/or something that creates a lot of anxiety for me; in those cases, I will seek help in some way. At least I will try.

The reason I’m writing all of this is because I’m trying my best to whip myself into shape for dating. I’m not ready for it at all right now, but this has to be a step in the right direction. I can’t just expect everything to unveil itself over time, especially if there’ll be a time where I have to describe myself. I also can’t expect my flaws to vanish by the time I’m ready. So as much as it scares the daylights out of me, I’ll keep ironing out just what I am for the sake of whoever would put up with me for the rest of our lives. I think…I think it’ll be okay. I’ll certainly do my part.

Personality confuses me, but thankfully less so now.

Reblog if you're a fat gay

Sun, 06 May 2012 00:58:50 -0500

writtenwaiver:

godardo-arki:

taco-ells:

THENOTES.

yeah, basically

Kinda. Not thrilled with it. Lost about 80 pounds, down to 195-ish now, but still feel fugly :(

Aren’t we all a fat gay in some way? *strokes beard*

…Yeah, I’m trying to lose weight XD

Depression with a touch of Ponies

Thu, 03 May 2012 18:49:14 -0500

Depression with a touch of Ponies:

writtenwaiver:

babysealburritos:

I saw your recent post about depression and would love to have your opinion on this!

If what you’re wanting is my opinion on whether or not ponies can be used to cure depression then I would say that the answer is no.

If you’re asking whether or not I think that ponies can be used to prevent suicides or allow for a temporary feeling of relief from depression I would say from my own experience that yes it can be a positive influence.

I am by no means an expert when it comes to depression; I am merely someone who has had a lot of experience dealing with it first hand. However, having also dealt with a situation where I thought I was “cured” from my depression only to have it come back with a vengeance really makes me worry about people who claim to have been cured by ponies.

When talking about clinical depression there is a good chance that it is brought on by a chemical imbalance in the brain rather than just because bad things are happening in their life; it is possible for there to not be the chemical imbalance and for the depression to be triggered by trauma, but as far as I am aware it is most often the former. It’s also genetic. My mother is severely depressed, I am also, and my older brother also has had a bout with it. When the problem isn’t caused by outside factors but rather internal ones it is a poor choice to attempt to use outside factors to fix them.

There is also the factor of the severity of the depression. If the depression is mild then I don’t see why ponies couldn’t help. If the depression is more severe I would not place all my eggs in such a basket.

I’m sorry if this seems a bit disjointed and rambling, but I had a very long day and three finals that have drained the energy right out of me.

The short answer is this: I would suggest for anyone who is dealing with severe depression, especially if thoughts of suicide begin cropping up, to see a professional and get help. Even if watching ponies seems to make things better don’t write it off as a cure. It’s most likely temporary. If you are dealing with mild depression, I would still advise you to talk to someone about it: a parent, a trusted adult, or a really good friend.

Agreed, mostly. Something that makes you happy can’t hurt; but, it shouldn’t be relied upon in place of real psychological help.

Slightly TMI and a little ranty: I was suicidal two years ago.

I can wholeheartedly endorse both medication and therapy, and they’ve been very helpful to me. I wish The Internet™ wasn’t so hostile to antidepressants. It’s not exactly One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest nowadays, and I worry that people who could in a very real way have the brain chemistry causing their depression relieved by drugs, are getting the idea that it’ll just make them compliant zombies, or sap all creativity, etc. Yes, meds aren’t for everyone, but they shouldn’t be dismissed just because they’re offered as the first and immediate option for treatment.

This is kind of weird for me, because ponies actually triggered mild depression for me. Just the promos for the season finale made me curl up on my bed and cry; it just seemed too much like inaccessible happiness against so much accessibility from the rest of the show. I felt like one of my strongest sources of comfort had turned against me, and that it was inevitable that it would because I’m a loser. But I dealt with it by figuring out just what my qualm was, talking to people, changing my diet a little, exercising…generally not letting an impression of “you don’t deserve happiness” get the best of me. So I would say whatever the situation is, be the master of your own illness (even if it is temporary in my case). Depression lies, and ponies can either help or hurt that depending on your attitude.

I don’t claim to understand real depression, but I can’t help but think this is important. If I’m wrong, call me out on it. But it sure as hay helped me.

Aversion to Homosexuality

Wed, 02 May 2012 14:54:10 -0500

This may seem strange, but I love that homophobia confuses me. I love that I haven’t committed to a single answer for the entire problem, that I’m willing to explore and re-examine possibilities until I learn just a little more about it. It’s completely possible - in fact, I can probably count on it - that this post will be revised. That being said…homophobia, like homosexuality, is complex and misunderstood to me.

The first idea commonly postulated for the origin of homophobia is religious indoctrination. I agree yet disagree with this. While many do place their self-importance within the sacred and the didactic, this isn’t to say that any revelations about how gays really are would be completely blocked out/reinterpreted. The most I can say arising from this is the voluntary vilification of homosexuals in order to account for evils in the world and/or to themselves. The same goes for familial indoctrination because what a conservative family would have its member believe would not block out any new information from pure devotion to that way or anything. If this were the only active ingredient for homophobia, then it would be weak and subject to failure. More often than not, an element of personality would need to confound this factor…and personality is very strong in anti-persuasion.

Speaking of which, the element of personality is not commonly cited, and it’s a shame. Well, it is said that only a “conservative/backwater/ignorant type” would entertain thoughts like this, but that’s not the same thing because it pertains to group dynamics. Certainindividual personalities are more prone to harsh rejection of new ideas than others. It could be the fear of losing control or getting confused; it could be loyalty to old ideas; it could be a primitive self-preservation. It wouldn’t surprise me if ancient homosexuals would pretend to be meek and submissive to the alpha males, then swoop their mates away to start families. There’s a strange impression of deception with homosexuality, and that needs to be acknowledged. Hell, there’s males pretending to be females in the animal kingdom to trick stronger males to protect them or to lower their guard for an attack! If I were an alpha, I’d be on the lookout for that, too.

An interesting proposition is latent homosexuality making its bearers project that sexual leaning onto others, along with their opinion of said sexual leaning. I’d be remiss to dismiss this (oh, the puns!), but it seems too easy a solution. I believe this only accounts for a small percentage of homophobia. That being said, the neurochemistry of it is fascinating: I don’t remember where I saw it, but there was a group of scans which indicated different parts of the sex center of the brain being active between straight and gay men and women. The gay men’s activity resembled the activity for female heterosexuality, and vice versa for gay women. It would definitely be a point in favor of pro-gay attitudes if neuroscience determined a fundamental attribute to sexual orientation. Then again, demons and stuff.

Along with that, the concept of “masculinization” of the brain - meaning a male brain develops from a default female brain pattern - implies that an incomplete masculinization could result in orientation confusion. This would mean that real people are struggling with being in an in-between state with no reconciliation or possibly hope of a solution. Therefore, I believe that if latent homosexuality is a factor, then it’s a factor that needs to be studied further and NOT to be used as derisive ammo in the sociopolitical arena.

For the other side, the concept that gays are possessed by demons is not a ridiculous argument because it can’t be proven but because proving it would accomplish nothing. So let’s say we gays are demon-ridden. So what? Even if that were the case, it would mean we were possessed since birth and therefore don’t deserve the vilification we receive on the parts of religious/zealous parties. The only conceivable justification for research like that would be to exorcise said demons, which even in theory only would work part of the time with those already believing in the process. There are testimonials on record of “exorcised/cured” gays returning to their former lifestyles as if nothing had changed. But we don’t know these gays personally, so…room for doubt? Yes, but that’s exactly the problem.

Not to mention the proposal that exorcism can remove gayness has no conclusive evidence, so trying to prove the existence of demons as creators of homosexuality (thereby trying to prove the existence of demons, period) would not result in immediate desire to “convert to the light” from sensible gays/lesbians/queers/whatevertheycallthemselves. If anything, this would result in another right-to-privacy quandry, perhaps with gay Americans protesting for their right to have sexy, sexy demons playing with their squishy, squishy brains. And of course, these protesters would be pepper-sprayed because eww, protests are gross.

Finally, the proposition that educating people about homosexuality would get rid of it is only partially true as I see it. Yes, knowledge is power. But that knowledge would be put in the heads of those who rule themselves (i.e. everyone), so any biases and prejudices would be capable of reinterpreting anything shown to them as long as the central premise to their belief is maintained. One can construct an entire universe around a logical fallacy, and sometimes people won’t even notice when it happens. Again, this would be fueled by more than just ignorance/misinformation, in which case education would be the choice tool for eliminating that prejudice.

So there you have it. I have no clue what homophobia is, but I have a pretty good grasp of what it could be. Right now, I believe all of these wrap into the phenomenon and make it so deliciously convoluted. I’m not scared of it because bad thinking isn’t supposed to be scary. It’s supposed to be corrected. A baseball bat to the head is scary, but to be honest, who cares why it’s being swung while it’s still being swung? Disarm the opponent and give therapy later, I say. This is a serious issue that needs to be conceived seriously. Don’t just take one convincing answer and run with it, or it could run away with you.

Homophobia confuses me…but not as much as some people. At least I don’t think so.

Thus Spake Donny's Boy: Please stop being so homophobic, bronies. Please?

Wed, 02 May 2012 14:03:39 -0500

Thus Spake Donny's Boy: Please stop being so homophobic, bronies. Please?:

donnysboy:

This isn’t something I’ve hidden and is, in fact, something I’ve mentioned here and there, but just for the record:

I am a queer man. I am not heterosexual.

Further, I’m not a terribly masculine man. I don’t know jack-all about cars. Couldn’t care less about baseball. I talk with my hands a lot….

I’d love to second this…but who I am and what I’ve learned just goes against the idea of saying “please stop it.” After all, if I can come out of the gay closet, I can come out of the honest disagreement closet.

I’ve been fortunate to evade that crap in my life. But it turns out I evaded so much more than that, because I blocked out any emotional reaction to bigotry and/or ignorance. I really need to engage it, to shape who I am from my encounters with it. And considering this is a community of escapism and trying to overcome barriers to friendship, I can’t think of a better place to do so. I’m not saying everyone else should as well, or that it would go well for me…but I think it’s time for me to be brave. Even if I don’t win anyone over, I want to challenge someone’s mind. It’d be worth it.

writtenwaiver: I like this one much better. Local con with John...

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 21:58:40 -0500

writtenwaiver:

I like this one much better.

Local con with John de Lancie attending is next weekend. Now to determine if he can be persuaded to autograph random things…

I think both versions have their own charm. And if he were unwilling to autograph a character made with him in mind…then I don’t understand him XD

fuckyeahgilda: Heee, and a reblog. What can I say, I can’t...

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 20:26:26 -0500

fuckyeahgilda:

Heee, and a reblog.

What can I say, I can’t resist Gilda giving Twilight Potter a wedgie and calling her a dweb. Also lame puns are my fetish.

It occurs to me that the show could use some Alternate Universe episodes, if for no other reason than to put Twilight in that costume dear heavens above that is priceless…<3

writtenwaiver: mistomaxo: terezi: travalicious: omg just...

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 20:13:30 -0500

writtenwaiver:

mistomaxo:

terezi:

travalicious:

omg just read this description

beware the curse

This is why I basically can’t read “published” romance ebooks. Fanfic is usually 100% less ridiculous, and even when it isn’t, at least it’s not usually taking itself so seriously…

OMG Best birthday gag gift ever.

Making Friends, Having Friends

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 16:38:00 -0500

When I was little (4-5-6-X years old), there was one friend I had that I will always remember. That’s because I have no idea why he was my friend. He shall remain nameless for the sake of…stuff, but we would sit in a circle with the other kids in pre-K and just pass a ball back and forth to each other. We loved it. The other kids probably thought it was incredibly annoying, waiting for their turn to pass the damn ball. But we just played together despite all the haters, or the 90s pre-K equivalent of that. Derp. He was my best friend, but either he never made it clear to me why he liked me or I was too oblivious to realize it. Both are possible and easily argued…but then again the evidence is so sparse.

Maybe he liked me for the same reason I liked him? I really liked him because…he played with me. I was a confused Aspergic child in a strange environment, but there he was like everything was awesome. I thought he was dorky with his thick glasses and really short brown hair and blahdiblahblah, but I knew he was awesome. I never had a bond like that with another person until a few weeks ago. To be fair, I don’t think my new friend would be up for passing a ball in a circle unless I got him high.

Pot confuses me too, but what little I’ve tried of it probably isn’t enough to make a firm stance on it. It made me swear a lot and introspect and act like a moron…I can’t even say what it made me feel. That’s like trying to draw the concept of dignity. I saw an autistic man draw dignity as a spiral, and that seems about right. How would you draw it? A dress? An upright fellow with cane and moustache? Or would you do what he did and try to capture the very moment of it? I admire the guy for looking that far into it, I really do.

But then again, he could have just been asked to write about it and ended up drawing it instead. Tough to say with autism, as well as lack of evidence.

This post is rambling more than most…but that’s what’s nice about friends. They like it when you go off topic sometimes, at least the kind of friends I have do. I want to surround myself with people who ~~just kinda don’t give a shit~~ will let a conversation go where it wants to go. But I do wonder why some insist on it staying on topic? Is there a pressing need for consistency that’s not being expressed? Are they neurotic? Is it both? And then again, one would think with me having AS that I might insist on conversational integrity myself. Personally, I hate it when one topic gets overexposed…leave room for other facets of life. Maybe that’s AS, too: hating to focus on one part leads me to seek distractions.

ANYWAY…as for making friends, something always stops me from seeking something deeper than aquaintances in school or whatnot. This is changing, but what usually happens is I have an energetic conversation with people I like, and then we go our separate ways. I don’t get invited anywhere, I don’t invite anyone anywhere, and when we have to truly diverge in life, it’s almost like I never talked to them. I’m trying my hardest to not let this happen anymore, but it feels like some part of me just doesn’t understand friendship. Some part of me is so afraid of committing to that companionship that I’m compelled to distance myself. It wasn’t until the season finale of FiM that I isolated that part and started to chip away at it. I even made a brony friend today, in person. All it took was a more aggressive approach.

Making and having friends confuses me, but I suppose not much more than anyone else.

Extra: Follower #2 has arrived! If you’re here for what I do, then I hope you find it interesting at least. Your blog is certainly much more whimsical than mine…but it’s hard to be whimsical when you’re writing about your own personal mystery. Pickle barrel kumquat chimmycherrychonga dough blaster nostalgia chick radiant historia this needs to stop goodbye :/

Transformation

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 14:48:00 -0500

I’ve been doing a lot of it lately. If I were to illustrate just how much I’ve changed since I hit puberty, I would need about six months of research and deliberation to express it all. I suppose the best way to say it would be…

I used to be an unintelligible, assuming/unassuming, belligerent, hateful, escapist, bitter, meek, gender-confused, existentialist (as much as a kid could get), and greedy little brat. Gradually, I’ve been replacing that with a relevant, open-minded, critical, caring, quick-witted, isolated, philosophy-passionate, eager, sassy, and somewhat inscrutable…hipster?

I’ve been called that lately, and I don’t know how I feel about it. Hipsters also confuse me, but maybe that’ll change. Maybe the change will be accepting the confusion itself; that’s a hipster sort of thing to do. Right?

I’m never sure exactly what to change about myself until I change it. When I see a big negative about myself, I target it and act as therapist until I see things differently. But then there’s the tricky ones: sarcasm, ‘saying it like it is’, apologizing profusely, turning the other cheek, reacting subtlely or exaggeratedly to whatever, and so on. I fine-tune these qualities to the point that I don’t even understand them anymore. The same goes for concepts. I use the idea of mental sets to break out of them and change…but if you asked me to define it, I would just stare at you. It’s not that I don’t know what it is; it’s that I don’t think about it in words because that makes it too rigid for me. Does wording concepts make them rigid for other people? Or does it just make them manageable?

Transformation also necessitates that I be intensely self-aware, which is no problem for me. But it makes me wonder if that’s what makes it difficult for others to change. I change when I see the problem in either all or most angles (how Westerners see it, how women see it, how other people with AS might see it, etc…), make my determination for what it is, summon the courage to act, find an opportunity to act, get out there, and commit to the new decree I’ve made for myself. Maybe other people can’t do that for some reason. It seems it would be a different reason for each person…but more than that, it seems the capacity for these would vary.

I think it will become clearer to me as I work on becoming less of a shut-in. I want to seek out others more, to stop relying on my own inner ramblings to calm me down. Most of my life has been like that, so it’s weird to actually start going against it and to want to go against it. But I crave the validation of others. I’ve shut myself off for so long and so thoroughly that I think I need to actually make myself vulnerable. I even told a friend of mine this when he was down: “When you stop trusting yourself, listen to your friends.” Maybe I can get a boyfriend that way, who knows?

Transformation confuses me…but I guess it would.

Extra: I have a follower now…it feels weird, but you’re welcome to be confused with/at me, buddy. Your blog is refreshing :)

PONY PAINTINGS OF LITTLE NOTE: That…was okay, I guess?Fanservice easter eggs were excellent, but the...

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 14:11:14 -0500

PONY PAINTINGS OF LITTLE NOTE: That…was okay, I guess?Fanservice easter eggs were excellent, but the...:

writtenwaiver:

sleepsonjars:

writtenwaiver:

That…was okay, I guess?

Fanservice easter eggs were excellent, but the main plot felt pretty rote and Hasbro Marketing Department-driven. And it’s a shame to spend all of Part I on ”Only Twilight sees the obvious villain and checks off every doppelganger trope ever.” At least there was some…

I found myself hoping that Cadence was actually evil to make the story juicier. The Cadence and Shining we ended up with are bland imo. Nice, conscientious, not really hateable…but so very bland. They love each other because the script said so, and that gets my dander up. Maybe they’ll expand on it later on, but I doubt it XD.

What I was hoping for, actually? That the entire relationship was actually a setup by Chrysalis, and real Cadence liked but wasn’t to the point of actually being in a relationship in Shining Armor, let alone still getting married on the same day her evil doppelganger was going to. That would have been a delightfully sweet setup to actually getting them together. But then there wouldn’t have actually been a wedding for the all-out happy ending…

I agree, and that would have been a much more digestible presentation for those two. But that just makes it all the more obvious of how we’re supposed to accept this relationship out of nowhere. The way they marketed this finale really rubbed me the wrong way.

…To be fair, Cadence and Shining would have known each other for a long while through Twilight. If she were still deciding, then she would either have been in denial or just not that interested. Or maybe I’m just crazy.